I know it is tax season, but I am sick for the second time in two weeks and wide awake, so why not an update. Sorry no Trim the Fat Part Deux or any politics…something a little more personal for a change.
Many things on my mind lately…
I think I hit that stage in life that your parents warn you about when you are a teenager – you know that cliche line that “someday you will listen to them” and “respect people older than you”. I know, it is horrible, what is wrong with me?! I knew everything 10 years ago…apparently that is going along with my hair that is falling out. Seriously though, I realized how much respect I have for those that have many more years and experiences under their belt. This may seem of little importance to you, but it was a struggle for me – especially in the church.
Growing up in a church that was more conservative in nature and would not allow drums on stage, I quickly became prideful of our “new” music, “new” type of church services, and the style of the youth services. I created a lot of division and dissent in my day…and now I regret that a pastor had to talk to me about the problem on multiple occasions. When fads of the “post-modern” church, the emerging church, the “too cool for skool” hipster movement, and the “lets do everything different for the sake of it” movement came out, I became a strong advocate and would talk down about churches that were more traditional. Basically, I ignored the input from the older generation and I saw the new ways of doing church as blameless and pure and the only way church should be done. Yeah, again – not proud…at all. I would like to say it was from the paint chips or the power station I grew up by, but I was just your young, naive “jerk for Jesus” in full effect.
What changed it? A big part of the change came about because when I started going to a church with mostly all young people. It was great at first – I admit. The music was great, we did a little “slapa-da-bass”, and the drums would sear your eardrums. We had wine at communion, we had worship stations, and we had a ton of people completely new to the concept of church. The problem was that after a while, I really missed talking with people that were actually going through a different phase of life (other than popping out babies and getting established). Fortunately, I started talking with someone my Dad’s age who helped with the band and I also became good friends with a couple 10 years older with older kids. It took awhile, but soon I realized how much I looked forward to talking to these people and hearing about their life experiences. I got to see issues with children and teenagers that I will most likely have to deal with in the future as a parent, and I also got a lot of wisdom from them regarding the church, our journey as Christians, and life in general.
A recent example just stands out to me on this topic. We were at the house of a good family friend and there were a lot of kids and they were opening and closing a door. I was scared that someone was going to get their fingers slammed in the door, so I tried to get them to stop by taking to them and constantly coming back in to scold them (sounded reasonable to me). One of the grandmothers just comes down the hall and sticks some towels on the top of the door. Seriously, the problem was solved in seconds as the door would no longer close. I was just kind of amazed for a few minutes by the wisdom of this woman…seriously – she should write a blog about parenting because that was brilliant. Here I am doing all this work repeating myself and yelling talking loudly to the kids and she simply puts a towel in the door so they can still play without getting hurt…that only comes from experience and it got me thinking and wondering why we do not seek more wisdom from the older generations in new, younger churches? Did our division and pride prevent us from receiving some great insight and wisdom? Would discipleship be so much more effective if we met with someone 15-20 years older who has been through all the stages of raising children, been through new struggles that we will face, and dealt with issues within the church that we will be experiencing in the future?
For me, I compare it to the small firm, public accounting career path that I have been on 10 years now. You start out of school to find you really know very little and that for some reason, all that book smarts does not help much with the practical and varied tasks you face. All work is reviewed, so you quickly learn from your errors, but most importantly, you realize that you have to listen closely to everything your mentor does if you want to learn the career and do it well. In my early years, my office was next to the owner/CPA, so I quickly learned that his open door was a great asset for me. I began to learn how to talk to clients, how to handle complex questions, and a ton about the clients we were providing service to. In later years, I got to sit in on client meetings, audits, and consulting appointments. Having a mentor is a great thing and you really learn a majority of the tax & accounting knowledge from them. Last year, I started with new mentors and it is great as now I have two – double the knowledge! I have learned all new approaches, methodologies, and tax rules through the reprogramming phase, but it is the same drill as before – I soak up as much knowledge as I can and model myself after them.
Church is not that different – we should have mentors that we can journey along side with and gain wisdom from. It bums me out that many churches have become so homogeneous in recent years with all the emergent this or that. If anything, the new movements in the church have failed largely because of the fact that there was a shortage of wisdom and a drive to “do things different”.
Much of what inspired this for me was the loss of great woman of wisdom that our church unexpectedly lost to a stroke. In the month before her passing, we had started talking each week at church. Granted, it was mostly about real estate since she was an agent and the fact that we had just listed our home, but she came up to me every week that month, sharing stories about their houses that they sold & purchased, encouraging me about selling my house when interest had temporarily dried up, talking about how they were one improvement away from completely restoring their home, and just making me feel loved and encouraged. Even though I knew her for a very short time, her passing really shook me up. One of the older members that I had always talked with and had a great respect for left the church late last year, so I had really been looking for new people to talk to and learn from that were no longer in the kid phase. I thank God for the short time I did have getting to know her, but it just hurts.
Anyway, it has been an interesting journey since then. I am still reading a lot of Ecclesiastes and it is great because it has mellowed me out a bit. Not that I am apathetic or do not care about principles and ideas, but I just realized that I needed to dull my attack when debating with people or discussing politics or issues (thanks Dad). It is so funny that we get our knickers in a twist over things that in the end do not matter that much. We get behind new ideas or ideologies, but it is nothing new and we are really just driving around a cul-de-sac endlessly repeating the same mistakes and recycling old ideas. Someday I will get to mellowing out about music, but for now I have just had a lot of my ideologies shattered (good thing). I have always been against expressive worship and people that are zealous about everyone else worshipping their particular way as I am very reserved and prefer much less expressive worship. However, God has been convicting me on it as I have realized that we just need to chill out and learn to meet in the middle and learn to worship together and learn from each other. Also, God has really convicted me on my theological upbringing as I was raised in churches where women were rarely made pastors – a complementarian view if you will. However, God has thrown a wrench into my neat theology by showing me a great example of a woman pastor doing an excellent job in the last few years. It just gave me a new openness as God doesn’t work in our little predefined box.